I'm feeling lousy so I'm gonna write an honest entry here,
About how I really feel.

Damn pissed off with my brother for hogging the tv.
I think he should go home for good.
If he doesn't want to live there,
He should pass me the keys and I'll go there for a holiday.

I'll probably piss you off too.

But that's the only thing I'm good at right?
You say I'm worthless.
Useless.
Good-for-nothing.
I agree totally.
You want a go-getter,
Someone with drive in life.
Someone with dreams and aspirations.
Someone unlike me.

I'll say that I'm down to earth.
I don't dream of earning 20k a month,
Owning a big company,
Or becoming someone important.
That's why I think I've committed a major faux pas here.
Women like their partners to have aspirations,
And to think big.
Even if you honestly just wanna be a beer-toting couch potato,
You must at least pretend,
That you have a plan to become a billionaire by the age of 30.

And look at me now.
A real slacker.
Rotting my life away.
Sleeping and waking at weird hours,
Like someone suffering from jet lag.
No real goal in life.
I suppose "I wanna be a rapper." is too lame.
Never think of earning 20k a month.
Will be contented with 2k a month,
If I can get 2k that is.
You asked me why,
Why can't I start a business like so many other people.

Maybe I'll write a little in self defense.
I'm only "rotting" during the hols.
I think I've done enough to get to where I am now.
When it's time to join the workforce,
I'll do the necessary adjustments.
It's not that I have no dreams or aspirations,
But I just like to be realistic and practical.
Why can't I start a business?
Because I have no biz model that I strongly believe in.
I don't think it's fair to throw away my parents' money,
Cos they're in retirement.
For every successful businessman you see,
There are hundreds that failed.
And I don't think I can afford to get my hands burned like that.
I can't afford to take risks.

Go ahead and look down on me.
Anyway it probably doesn't even matter to you anymore.
You've placed me into the recycle bin anyway.

You told me you've already found someone new.
Someone better.
You said that you're not going to wait for me anymore,
Because I will never change.

I think I've seriously offended you with the things I said,
Because you said your feelings for me are fading.

I still love you.

But I guess I'm not good enough for you.