My body is aching but my mind's still alert.
Quite hungry too,
Even though I just had 2 eggs for breakfast.
Craving for meat at the moment.
Or anything fried.
I'm counting my protein intake,
Just like how people count their calories.
Don't think there is any increase in my weight though.
Still hovering at the 45kg level.

Think I'm going mad soon.
Did the unthinkable yesterday.
Something I never thought I'll be doing,
At least not in the near future.
I came out to my mum.
Not as a lesbian,
But as a transguy.

Dreams,
Hopes,
Aspirations,
Fears.
These things that I had kept suppressed in the back of my mind,
Were all unleashed suddenly.
And there was no way of holding them back.
Time to take control of my own destiny.
No more compromising.

It was nerve-racking talking to my mum.
I've never told her any of my secrets,
And now I'm telling her all of them.
Well almost all haha.
I didn't know what made me decide to tell her,
But I need help.

What I didn't expect,
Was her genuine understanding and encouragement.
Felt lighter than air after letting everything out.
I'm really glad to have such an open-minded mother,
And I will appreciate her support in the future.
So far I have not heard any opinions from the rest of the family.
But my mum hasn't spoken to my sis the die-hard Christian.
Yet.

Doesn't matter.
Now to take the all important first step:
Seeing a psychiatrist.
I don't know what is going to happen next.
Feels as though I'm jumping into a pit of snakes.
Scared as hell.
But maybe it's the first step to a new beginning.

Sidetracking now...
My bike's back!
Only the gasket is broken thank God!
Repairs came up to $110,
Including towing charges.
Ain't too bad.
Life seems to be looking up for once.

But there's always a void in my heart.
I am lost without my love.