Woke up at 4pm.
Couldn't get to sleep again.
Neurons were firing throughout the night.

As strange as it may sound,
Cos I've always been so keen to be a guy,
I've never actually surfed on info regarding ftms.
I don't know why either.

I spent lots of time going to all the sites,
Reading up on other ftms' experiences.
In the past,
I've always felt that treatment for me would be in the future.
But now that I know what exactly testosterone can do,
My impatience seems to have grown tenfold.
I'm dying to tell my parents,
I want to seek treatment for gender dysphoria.
I wonder what they will say.
I'm hesitating because of the fear of rejection.

I wanted to be a guy when I was very young.
Then in my teens,
Through exposure to the lesbian community,
I began to label myself as a butch lesbian.
This I believe,
Is the result of compromising.

Sex change is too complicated and expensive.
Being a butch is just as good I suppose.

Butches in Singapore have it relatively easy.
There are so many butches out there;
It's easy to fit in,
And discrimination is not exactly a problem.

So where does a transguy stand in society?
Obviously the straights are not going to embrace you,
And the lesbians will probably chide you,
For not accepting yourself for what you are.

I wonder what proportion of the butches in Singapore,
Has the desire to be a guy.
Would like to know like-minded people.
Please don't tell me that it's not worth it,
Or that it's pointless because you won't be a real guy.
It is all about the dream to live the life,
That I've always wanted.