What a super rotten day.
Another long entry ahead.

I was so troubled,
I couldn't get to sleep yesterday.
Every few minutes I would wake up.
And when I finally nodded off,
I dreamt about my problems.
I didn't know,
One can be hit by depression even in dreams.
I ended up shedding a few tears in my sleep.
This is pathetic.

Had diarrhoea the whole day.
I think it has more to do with my body,
Rather than what I eat.
Either my stomach or my intestines are malfunctioning.

Before I went to bed yesterday,
I went to inspect the damage to my bike.
The second I started the engine,
Black liquid began to flow from within.
After I had placed newspapers to soak up the leak,
I realized that the liquid was not petrol.
Or 2-T oil.
So it's probably transmission oil.
Anyway from the rate of leakage,
It would have been risky to ride to the bike shop.
That was only one of the problems that plagued me though.

Got my mum's friend to look at the bike a few hours ago.
Apparently the gasket is broken,
And there's only one-third of the transmission oil left.
In other words,
The bike must be sent for repair as soon as possible.
Gonna call the tow truck in the morning.
I'm praying that the gasket is the only thing broken.
If the engine is screwed,
I'm screwed too.
I can't even rest with this thing hanging over me.

Maybe I'm not fated to ride.
Seems like half of my problems come from the goddamn bike.
It's amazing,
How a machine can drive me to depression sometimes.

And I need you so much.
Where are you?

Was just going through this great website.
An ftm's diary of his transition to become a real guy.
I can't really use the word "inspired",
Because I've always wanted the surgery.

I dream about what testosterone can do for me.
I'm not doing this for fun,
I am sure of what I want.
But still,
Surgery is always scary.

Think I'll write about my fears on Last Days.