My day sucked.
Actually it had nothing to do with the day itself.
But everything that was going inside my head,
Made me feel like throwing up.

Slept at 10am and woke up at 2.
Lost my appetite but what's new.
For every five seconds of anger,
I have to deal with one of misery.
So it goes somethng like this:
I'm pissed off.
I'm pissed off.
I'm pissed off.
I'm very pissed off.
I'm damn fucking angry.
I'm miserable.
And the cycle starts again.

I've been through this before,
So I should be able to deal with this now.
Jesus.
Just because I've to go through this everytime,
Doesn't mean that it won't hurt anymore.

I did call her to clarify things you know.
Even before I said a word,
I could feel that the tone of her voice is different.
Either things have seriously changed,
Or the Nette I know has been abducted by aliens.
Anyway that's not the point.
So I asked her.
And her answer was "SO WHAT."
Yeah so what.
I have totally no right to ask.

The heart is dead,
But the pain still lingers.
For all this time,
I've never held back my love for you,
Even though I know you'll leave me.

Someone give me something to take this pain away.

Maybe I should stop using the pronoun "you",
Because you won't be reading this blog anymore.

Any moment now I might just self-combust.

I'm really just writing whatever that's in my head.
I don't care whether it's relevant or not.
Now I don't even have the energy,
To think about the issues regarding the transition.

One of the plus points about becoming a male legally,
Is that I'll be able to get married.
Come to think of it now,
I don't think I should ever get married.
Don't wanna end up like the guy who committed suicide,
After his wife left him.

I'm just a tiny snail and someone just smashed my shell.