This is an edited version of the previous post.

I guess this will be a long kpkb entry.
But I'll start off on a happy note.
Got my reverse Supas Dunk Hi today!
Very pleased with my purchase.

Anyway,
If anyone is interested,
The latest issue of New Man features an article on ftms.
Please don't ask me to type out the article!
It's only 5 bucks and it's a pretty good read.

Now it's time to kpkb.
My mental condition is so bad now,
I can't really tell fantasy from reality.
I don't know why,
It doesn't matter what time I sleep,
But I wake up every half an hour.
And by 7am I can't get back to sleep again.

Basically this whole week has been pretty shitty.
I haven't gotten any rest since Sunday,
And today I made a mistake of talking to my sis,
After I came home from the visit to the psych.
This bad decision caused me,
An inordinate amount of mental distress.

Meeting the psych wasn't too bad.
Dr Kok is a rather nice lady,
And yes she will bring up all the cons.
But I've already considered those factors,
So I'm more or less still as determined.
However the deal is that in S'pore,
I've to see 2 independent psychs.
So Dr Tsoi is next.
Heard he's a really nice guy,
And there is a chance of a T shot on the first visit.

Talking to my sister was like hell.
It's important to note,
It is impossible for one to be objective,
If you have to bring God into the discussion.
NO I do not think that counselling will save me,
You might as well send me to a bomoh or something.
I am not rejecting God,
I no longer blame him for not giving me the Y chromosome.
Halfway through the conversation,
She suddenly barked at me,
"Why the hell are your eyebrows so thick?!"
??????

The lack of sleep is really killing me.

Caught the Amazing Race after that.
Made me forget about my troubles for a moment.
Now I've to consider the fact that,
I may end up with no financial support.
Let's not even talk about emotional support here.
I've always been saving up like crazy.
But it's definitely not going to be enough.

I love Nette for who she is,
And I love her for loving me for who I am.
It seems like there's nothing I want more,
Than to live as a guy.
Actually there's something I want more,
And that's her.

I feel highly traumatized.
And distressed.
I'm ashamed to admit,
That my current courage to deal with my problems,
Is based on the fact that I have an escape route planned,
If nothing goes well.
Yes I am a coward.