"I'm so blue I can't think of a title."

The first half of this year has been so wonderful,
So naturally the second half has to stink.

There is zero entertainment in my life.
I wish that I can cry to relieve some of the stress,
But damn it,
I'm not too good at that.

I'm sorry that I've to write,
That I'm upset and stressed all the time,
But this is the only alternative to keeping it all inside.
Actually since blogging is like talking to myself,
It's still considered keeping it inside, no?

Since there are people who read this (I think),
Maybe not.

As for all the people who are constantly encouraging me,
And telling me not to give up on my academic career,
I have this to say:

I am trying.
But sometimes we have to admit,
That certain things are just impossible.
There is an actual possibility,
That there can be too much to be done.
And hence, the task cannot be completed.

I am so frustrated with myself for not giving up.
Strangely,
I don't know what is stopping me.
I badly want to give up.
A second lower honours degree,
Is not worth this amount of pain.

Nothing is worth this amount of pain.
Maybe certain people are.

Let's see how I am faring.
It's Wednesday,
Halfway through my one week holidays,
And I haven't started on any of my term papers.

Giggles.

Just kidding.
I don't giggle, only guffaw.

Not because I'm lazy,
(Well, a leeetle perhaps)
But I've been busy with my thesis.

Pui the thesis.

I barely have enough time,
To finish all these literature on FTMs,
And cough up enough words,
To meet my 2000 words per week target.

Anyway,
I just realized that all my hard work,
Was just a waste of time.
I had a meeting with my supervisor today,
Which I really didn't wanna attend,
Cos it was pouring in the afternoon.

Yah who wants to ride 25km to school in the rain,
Just to see the supervisor?

So I made it to her office with wet jeans,
Including a very lovely dark patch on my crotch.
Nothing out of the ordinary alright,
It was the RAIN.

Anyway, typical bad things happened.
Got minorly screwed,
And she even tweaked my thesis title,
To become something that I wouldn't want to read.

And my favourite part:
Her dumping of a truckload of readings on me.
Readings that are only relevant for the introductory chapter.

Sibei sian.

For the first time in my life,
I've finally known what it is to be up to my neck in work.

I know I cannot finish them.
This is what they like to term as,
"Fighting a losing battle."