Thought I wasn't going to blog today,
But ah what the hell.

Am frustrated with the lack of results,
From my iron pumping sessions.
Well maybe I'm the only one,
Who can see the slight difference.
From 3 times a week to just once now.

Went to school,
Met Ruilong in town after that.
Nothing much happened.
Saw a cute gay boy at Topman.
Always thought I would prefer the straight-acting boys,
But somehow girly voices are a turn on.
Hahahahaha...

Got a call from the Dean's Office during lecture.
Obviously freaked the hell out of me.
Apparently I've to email the Vice-dean,
For permission to read less than 3 modules this semester.
Why should it be a problem anyway?

Feeling much better today.
I am learning to let go.
And it is not as tough as I thought it would be.
Now that I can no longer see her as The One,
Letting go has been much easier.

Going to concentrate on ftm issues.
Sometimes I wonder which is worse.
Facing rejection now because I'm not a bio-male,
Or facing rejection after my transition,
Because he/she still cannot accept me as a real guy?
Nothing can change the fact that she,
Someone who claims to love me,
Has chosen a guy eventually.

Actually I'm prepared to be single all my life.
Finding a partner is not really a main concern.
Transition to me is totally personal,
And if nobody will love me for who I am,
Then so be it.

I'm really glad,
I've been saving like crazy all these years.
And thank God I didn't buy myself a Rolex afterall.
I've come to realize,
That I will transition with or without parental support.
I'm just not sure if I should start now.
And I really don't know if I'll be able to find a job.